If it's love,

We are young
We are strong

We're not looking for where we belong

We're not cool

We are free

And we're running with blood on our knees

This past week has been absolutely torturous for me. Being deceived and having to pay the consequences for a bad judgment of character wasn't worth it.

I've learnt my lesson, and right now I'm trying to do damage control. Picking up the pieces and moving on. Like an overused analogy: After a glass shatters, even if you piece the pieces back together, it'll never be the same piece of glass again.

Because of what happened, I'm behind on my schoolwork. I don't have the effort and the energy to bring myself to sit down and concentrate, because countless images just come flooding back. Nonetheless, we all gotta move on, and the solution is not to mope about how stupid I was, and how I let it come to such a stage. I have assignments and midterms coming next week, and after that will be recess week. I'll work that entire week to clear my head, to make sure that my "awakening" is solidified.

After talking to a whole shitload of people and drawing out my own conclusions based on answers to questions I personally asked, I can't redeem what I did, and I can't make up excuses for whatever happened. No matter how jaded I am, no matter how tired I am of being asked what happened, I just hope that noone I love will ever go through this. This is gonna be a mark on me, and this is gonna be testament to good life screwed up by one's own hands.

I have honest feelings. I love wholeheartedly. In a span of a week, I witnessed both the ugly and deceptive side of love/lust, and the true manifestation of agape. Love I don't deserve. Love that I want to hold on to for the rest of my life. Love that I once thought could never exist in people. It gives me hope that I was scared of, and still am. But it shows me wonders.