Today

Today, I cried while thinking of you.

I miss you so much, so much that I'm hurting, knowing that you're completely out of my reach - knowing that you probably don't ever want to see me every again. So much that you're even willing to quit your job if rumors get spread around too much.

I'm so scared now. One moment I feel like I'm in a stable relationship, the next moment, a question pops up in my head and you refuse to answer it. You escape and you don't answer, knowing that you're 1909 miles away from me and you can take your time to think up of one. It scares me to think that you're hiding as many things from me as I do from you.

I can't handle the pressure. I can't handle the jealousy or the extra stress that's being put onto me.

I'm being so honest here because I don't know where else to turn to.

When I tell others about what's happening, I put up a strong front. Like everything's okay and I'm thinking rationally like a mature adult. But behind that strong persona, I'm still a little girl. I want to be assured, to be safe in someone's arms.

I want to decide but it's really hard, because I don't have all the pieces I need for the puzzle. I'm so scared because I don't have the ability to see the big picture, regardless how far I step away from the situation.

I don't know who to lose now.

You say good morning, and good evening
The day is done, and you've come to find
The words are fleeting, I hear your quiet breathing
Is something wrong?

You come on two knees, with more than two needs
Finding that it's all too easy
To be helped and found
You slept and he said

It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home

Daylight's coming, the sun is blazing
New beginnings seep into you
But in the end it's distant shadows
That finally overwhelm your senses
And this time around
Is it love that you crown?
And this time around
You'll be more than who you are

It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home

Could you find yourself a way back home?

It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home


So beautiful.