YOU SWINE!

So there's been swine flu eh?
Please dont eat pork.

Hi guys :D
It's been 6 days since i last posted a proper blogpost.
There've been no interesting musings i've had lately,
Same old same old, or absolutely nothing in my brain except electric policies of complex numbers. Oh, and of course great expectations.
Also, i've contracted the flu.
And there're strange ppl in my house every single day painting the walls, creating that STRONG ODOUR that makes me sneeze and worsens my flu. ):
Talk about a bad week. (Woah, how many bad weeks have i had?)

Nonetheless, im glad this Friday's Labour Day.
Cant wait to plunge myself head-first into math equations/chem constants/econs theories/lit analysis.

I lead a sad, sad life.

THIS IS OUR GGGODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon the cross
Great is your love poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Sovereign king rescued the world
This is our God

TGIF.

This week has been awesome..ly horrible.
First off, i was late for sch twice.
Then, i had a nose bleed on wed.
And now, my tap is leaky and im sneezing nonstop. :/

Also, there was PMT this afternoon.
Luckily, Ms Choo was really nice to me, and gave alot of compliments.
Though, she asked me to "assess" my results, and i was stunned.
I thought during PMT, the tutor was supposed to talk more than the student?
I jabbered on and on and on.
HAHA, PMT WAS AN EPIC FAIL.

But nonetheless, i must really thank God for giving me a wakeup call early this month. (:
And also, it's nice to see Bryan blending into SAJC nicely.
Wearing a Venn House tee and playing bball with Glenn and a few other 'strangers'.
It was weird - sitting on that bench, watching him play ball..
It almost seemed like it was secondary school again. And i was there, sitting on the situp benches, watching him save a ball from one person's furious goalkick.

That feeling of complete relaxation, and a sense of liberty flooded my veins, and i couldnt feel pressure anymore.
Such a beautiful feeling.

In A Rich Man's World

Food. Check.
Bubble tea. Check.
EZLink Card. Check.
Tithes, building fund and offerings. Check.
New clothes. Check.
Gifts and birthday presents. Check.

Savings. Che-.

GG.

Truest.

There are so many people that i appreciate.
Ppl who've stood by me no matter what, and have never ever ever given up on me.
My family and my friends,
Those truest to me, those who mean the most in my life.

Wong - The one who keeps me on my feet, and dishes out the best advice anyone could ask for. She's always the first one i think of calling when i face a problem, whenever my tears threaten to spill. She's the one who never gave up on me after i forsook her (and Char) for two to three years. She never thought of me as a burden, but rather, someone who needed discipleship to become a much more fervent Christian. She's this dear friend/sister of mine whom i'll treasure for the rest of my life (:

Char - She's the one who constantly never gave up on me. My dear godsister, whom i admit i didn't treasure for more than 3 years. Now that she's gone, i miss her and her stupid/lameness, and i really want her back :/ It's hard to find a friend who'll accept you back after you've ignored them for two to three years. That's why she's my treasured friend, someone who i'll help and listen to if she calls me during my commendation duty for help. She never gave up on me, and neither will i.

Sihui - I always always pangseh her for council duty, or when i pon school. Yet, she never complains. Sihui is really one of the best friends anyone could ask for and be blessed with, because sometimes she brings joy into my life by acting dumb, and sometimes she brings me a revelation by sharing her thoughts and opinions with me, and vice versa, which i treasure. Someone who listens to what i have to say, and not only comes to me for only help, and shoot me back down when i feel like i have something constructive to say. I love her for loving me regardless how evil i am to her, and this is what i love most abt her :D

Bryan - There's so much to say abt this guy, so so so much. He's the pillar of my life, the reason why i look forward to checking my phone every day, the only person whom i can trust fully to understand me; the only guy who can decode me cell by cell, and love me for being the clutz/bimbo/blonde that i am. His patience for me is overwhelming, and i love him to the core (:

E222 - This group of ppl make me look forward to Fridays and Saturdays every single week. They make me love my life, make me feel comfortable in the whole group, like i dont have to fake who i really am and think of what to say to keep the conversation going. They have so much life that they pour into mine as well, and make me feel at ease with the world and myself. I love them so much. :D

There have been so many bad things happening this week that i cant even begin to elaborate.
People who've mocked my relationship with God,
People who've called me a hypocritical Christan,
People who've scolded vulgarities at me,
People who've excluded me,
People who make me feel awkward and unwanted,
People who make me feel stupid.

Put simply, the bolded people up there are those who've done the complete opposite of what these "friends" of mine have done.
They've constantly supported me throughout my Christian life,
They try to get to the root of my spiritual problems (not by scolding me, mind you),
They used gentle words to encourage me,
They include me in their "circle of trust",
They make me feel loved and relaxed,
They make me feel proud to be me.

Everyone has a flaw in their personality.
Instead of always looking at yourself to see what you've done,
Once again, take a deeper look into yourself to see whether you've placed expectations on others.
You expect reciprocation from others and when that doesn't happen,
Judgement sets in.
One becomes resentful and unhappy and keep everything to oneself.
Then once something sets it off, you BLOW UP.
Honestly speaking, my opinion is that human nature is selfish, judgemental, and unpredictable.
There're so many things that one expects out of each other, and when that expectation is not met, say GOODBYE to your relationship.

Who i am defines me, but as they say,
"God loves you. But God loves you so much that He doesn't want to leave you unchanged for the better."
Here i am, trying to change for the better.
And yet humans have expectations of you, to change a hundred and eighty overnight.
Is that fair? Is that possible?

Man is born with sin.
Christ died for us so that we can be whole.
We are all not perfect till the day we die - but here's the catch:
As long as we try our very best to avoid sin, the sin of commission and the sin of omission (one that is constantly forgotten),
God will help us change. He knows we can. And He believes.
If He believes in others, shouldn't us as Christians believe in others as well?
"AS HE IS, SO ARE WE." - Right?

Nonetheless, im glad for these people around me.
Although i regret knowing some people, and doing some things in life,
I know God is trying to teach me something.
And i believe this time, He has. :D

Anyone who has this song, send it to me! :D

THIS IS YOUR SAVIOR

(Verse 1)
They shouted “crucify”
As He stumbled on road
Weight of the world, all the pain
The cross became His load
He was innocent, yet accused and blamed
Sent to save a fallen world, to bear all our shame

(Verse 2)
They shouted “crucify”
As he climbed the lonely hill
Bearing the shame and the mocking crowd
While heaven and earth stood still
He was innocent, yet accused and blamed
Sent to save a fallen word, to bear all our shame

(Chorus)
This is your Savior
Pure Love of Heaven
Sent to die on Calvary, to bear the sins of all
Rejected, cursed to die, Love silently endured
His blood poured out an offering
At the foot of the Cross

(Verse 3)
They put a crown of thorns upon His bleeding head
Whipped Him as He struggled on
He uttered not a word

(Pre-Chorus)
He was innocent, yet accused and blamed
Sent to save a fallen world, to bear all our shame

(Chorus)
This is your Savior
Pure Love of Heaven
Sent to die on Calvary, to bear the sins of all
Rejected, cursed to die, Love silently endured
His blood poured out an offering
At the foot of the Cross

(Bridge)
For the broken-hearted
For the poor, the weak
For the blind and searching
He shed His Blood for you and me

(Chorus)
This is your Savior
Pure Love of Heaven
Sent to die on Calvary, to bear the sins of all
Rejected, cursed to die, Love silently endured
His blood poured out an offering
At the foot of the Cross

I rmbed crying to this song 2 to 3 years ago.
Still touches my soul, after all this time.

And this is why Easter is fabulous. :D

I KNOW MY ENEMY - IT'S YOU, A LEVELS!

GREENDAY - KNOW YOUR ENEMY
Do you know the enemy?
Do you know your enemy?
Well, gotta know the enemy

Violence is an enemy
Against the enemy
Violence is an energy

Bringing on the fury
The choir infantry
Revolt against the honor to obey

Overthrow the effigy
The vast majority
Burning down the foreman of control

Silence is the enemy
Against your urgency
So rally up the demons of your soul

Do you know the enemy?
Do you know your enemy?
Well, gotta know the enemy

The insurgency will rise
When the bloods been sacrificed
Don't be blinded by the lies
In your eyes

Violence is an energy
From here to eternity
Violence is an energy
Silence is the enemy
So gimme gimme revolution
I THINK GREENDAY IS COOL :D

******************************************
I just watched this other video from Britain's Got Talent,
And it completely reminded me that i cant ever judge someone by the way he/she looks.
Take a look for yourself. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4

BOOM-DEE-YA-DAA

Wow, Easter Friday-Sunday just flew past like that.
Easter service was awesome, with the cross weaving through the audience, and that dude playing Jesus acting tortured throughout.
I still rmbed that 4 years ago, i was SSSOOOO scared at my 1st Easter service. Haha :D
But now, im immune. Unless i see Passion Of The Christ, then i'll freak out :/

Im watching Discovery Channel now - Bible Mysteries Revealed,
And im glad this is one of the few Christian religious documentaries i dont have to explain to my dad.
One example is Jesus Revealed, where i had to keep a watch for his reactions the whole time.
And watch him snigger. Baah.

Speaking of faith, sometimes i dont understand how some ppl who have religion, can actually be mocked, and sniggered at by free thinkers?
Sigh. That's what God means by longsuffering.
I mean, whose family will mock, laugh and snigger at their family member for saying grace?
God. Help.

A Level Timetable! WHEE :D

Hi :D I'm back from church, and im tired!
WHEEE.

A LEVEL TIMETABLE
10/11 - Maths Paper 1
11/11 - GP Paper 1, GP Paper 2
12/11 - Chem Paper 3
13/11 - Maths Paper 2
17/11 - Chem Paper 2, E Lit Paper 1
18/11 - Econs Paper 2
20/11 - Econs Paper 1
23/11 - Chem Paper 1

YES!
In 13 days, my agony will be OVER. :D

Hi.

Ssssooooo... ...
It was Sport(s) Day today!
(The handbook says "Sport Day", i swear! :D)
I didn't participate in events at all, and i wasnt feeling well cause of my stupid left contact which has been misty since i put it on in the morning. Bah.
Nonetheless, i had a great time taking pictures with Sihui, and talking nonstop for one hour with Ben. (:

Something really embarrassing happened though.

I turned around a corner, and completely collided with this guy walking out from the guys toilet.
Oh gawd. Collided.
Sihui described it simply as: Flinging myself into his arms.
Gross.
And to whoever you are - SORRY! :/

Another thing - every single J1 got back their PW results today.
And practically every single J1 got A.
That's not to say that there were alot of A's in SAJC (there was a large amt of B's - including me),
But there're alot of A's in the whole nation, which kinda makes my result suck,
And comparatively weaker than those who got A.

When i got back my results in class,
I thought my grade was fine.
But once i met my friends OUTSIDE class, it kinda dawned upon me that every, friggin, person got an A.
Worse still, i went for tuition,
And everyone who wasn't from SAJC there got A for PW.

I really dont wanna put myself down, especially not for a stupid grade for a stupid subject like PW.
But y'know, when that feeling of inferiority constantly stings you,
And stings, and stings, and stings somemore,
You automatically link it to your current studies and you ask yourself, "Are you sure you can do it? It's SO hard, you can't EVER win this competition!", and suddenly, you can't take the pressure.
But, thank God i have a mother who can give me the comfort that i need to hear,
And a Father whom i know i can trust and lean on for my future.

My mum talked to me in the car, and told me that there was no need to give myself undue stress,
When the time comes, it'll come,
And we'll see as God slowly unravels His plan for us.

Anw, before leaving for tuition, Sihui and i went to the newly opened TAMPINES ONE!
It's so pretty (:
There were so much FOOD there that Sihui went bullistic. Hehe.
There were so many shops there that i was tempted to buy this top - AGAIN.
One thing though - THERE WERE SO MANY PPL! ):
It was hard to even walk around and take the lift because of the sheer size of the crowd.
Nonetheless, it was a great afternoon fellowshipping with Sihui.
Im gonna see her again TMR!
(We see each other practically EVERY SINGLE DAY of the week :D)

And to YOU, i know you're feeling upset.
Regardless of results, i want you to know that i'll be here beside you all the time.
You can call me at 4 in the morning, and i'll listen.
You can text me during lessons, and i'll reply.
You can talk to me while im with my friends, i'll comfort you.
I will put down everything to go to your place and console you.
I love you (:


So, you ready for Easter?

Ars Poetica - "A poem should not mean/But be"

Sonnet - Edna St Vincent Millay
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain
I want him at the shrinking of the tide
The old snows melt from every mountainside,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot nor shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

This poem brought me back to a year ago.
Two months of pain and suffering, trying to forget and forgive.
15/04/08
Tuesday
7:47pm
Haha, rmb? (:


Absence - Elizabeth Jennings
I visited the place where we last met.
Nothing was changed, the gardens were well-tended,
The fountains sprayed their usual steady jet;
There was no sign that anything had ended
And nothing to instruct me to forget.

The thoughtless birds that shook out of the trees,
Singing an ecstasy I could not share,
Played cunning in my thoughts. Surely in these
Pleasures there could not be a pain to bear
Or any discord shake the level breeze.

It was because the place was just the same
That made your absence seem a savage force,
For under all the gentleness there came
An earthquake tremor: fountain, birds and grass
Were shaken by my thinking of your name.

Once again, catapulted to the days of yesteryear.
April - June.
Nonetheless, im glad it's behind us.
And im glad there's a whole yellow brick road waiting for us to embark on.


Long Distance - Tony Harrison
Though my mother was already two years dead
Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas,
put hot water bottles her side of the bed
and still went to renew her transport pass.

You couldn't just drop in. You had to phone,
He'd put you off an hour to give him time
to clear away her things and look alone
as though his still raw love were such a crime.

He couldn't risk my blight of disbelief
though sure that very soon he'd hear her key
scrape in the rusted lock and end his grief.
He knew she'd just popped out to get the tea.

I believe life ends with death, and that is all.
You haven't both gone shopping, just the same,
in my new black leather phone book there's your name
and the disconnected number I still call.

I just thought this poem was sad.
Heh.

**************************************************************

I used to think poems were such frivalous things - Strings of words that emo people use to beat around the bush and finally get their point across in the last two lines.
But now one can imagine the force of those last two lines: the emphasis and the strength of those last few words the poet puts so much thought and effort into to make sure his or her reader infuses the point so strongly into himself.
The reader can be haunted just by those last two lines. Incredible huh? (:

That's why i love poetry :D

And now, my fave poem (until i find another one of course)!


Dulce et Decorum Est - Wilfred Owen
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame, all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! - An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
Dim, through the mistry panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white etes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, -
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

And this is me saying:
You must not make a plaything of the rain.

THIS IS HILARIOUS :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2REG3-Wb5gM

Watch this stupid video! (:
"Wrist control"

(:

I feel happy. Haha (:
Kinda bogged down by the fact that THERE'S SCHOOL TMR OMG but yea,

LIFE'S GOOD :D

And i thank God for everyone He's placed around me to lift up even the darkest of days,
The longest of lessons,
And the suckiest of situations.
Hehe.

Friends who encourage me to do better, that i can do better than what im getting now.
Sometimes it's impossible to fathom the thought of jumping from 4S's to 4B's, not to mention 4A's.
But i believe that we can, because God is omniscent and all-powerful :D
And if you study urgently/hardly, and pray fervently/sincerely/persistently,
He WILL grant you the desires of your heart,
Because what you want, is what He desires for your life as well (:

EASTER'S COMING!
EASTER'S COMING!
Haha, this Easter marks the almost one year anniversary since i went back to CHC.
Wow, time flies when you're worshipping and serving God. :D

On a side note:
I've been addicted to Poker Face by Lady Gaga.
Don't be surprised if i break into song halfway through lecture.
Heheeee :D

Lovegame and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart
Can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my
Poker face.

Reminder, Revelation

To get straight A's for A Levels,
Remember this:

The urgency to study,
And the fervency to pray.
Amen.

"His hand is in the midst of the fire."
"Faith without works is dead."

To bury one's talents underground - "wicked & lazy servant".
Let's not hide what God has given and blessed us with.

A Note From Sihui

T.G.I.F: Today, God Is First.

When Your Sails No Longer Have Wind

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven. (Ps 107:29-30)

Imagine for a moment that you began an exciting sailing adventure. You've been trained to navigate and sail on the ocean and be ready when trouble arise. You are confident that you can handle the challenge. However, midway in the journey your resources have dried up. It almost seems God has intentionally destroyed all the skills you have to deal with the weather and the obstacles and your sails are now damaged. Even your engine has boken down. And to make matters worse, your oars were lost overboard. You are stuck in the middle of the ocean and there is no wind to propel your boat. You are, as they say, "up the creek without a paddle".

All of this leads you to the end of yourself and you say, "Lord, I don't know why You brought me out here only to die." The silence is deafening.

Finally, the Lord speaks, "Yes, you are right. I brought you out here, and I did destroy your sails. I did break your engine. And yes, I do want you dead. Not in the physical sense, mind you, but in a spiritual sense. In order that you may LIVE."

"You see, my child, you are nothing without Me. You cannot do anything, without My Grace and Power in your life." You quietly yield. Suddenly, a gentle wave lifts the front off the boat. And eastern wind blows through the broken sail moving the boat in the right direction. You realize God is moving your boat. Your job now is to steer it.

Do your sails no longer have wind to move you? Is your engine broken? Does it feel like God has propelled you into the open sea only to stop midway with no options? Perhaps He is saying it is time to die in order that He might live through you. Give the Lord total control today and you will see His wind moving through your tattered sails...

I am the vine;
You are the branches
He who abides in me shall bear much fruit;
Apart from me he can do nothing.
John 15:5

********************************************************
She actually wrote everything out.
Drew stuff, and wrote another message at the back. :D
Wow. I'm touched, really really touched.

Thank you (:

Hey those reading this :D (esp those from my OG32!)
Thank you guys for expressing your concern for me the past few days, i really appreciate it.
Wong, Sihui, thank you very much (:

Right now, im really feeling much better.
Im feeling more confident about my studies, more comfortable with my capabilities and more secure with who i am in God.
It's inevitable to feel stressed, but with this sudden influx of reassuring bible quotes (there's suddenly alot! :D coicidence much heh?), i feel that God is really remaking His way into my life, manifesting His agape love, His confidence in me, and His unwillingness to give up on me.
Even if the world deems me as a failure, God sees me for who i am - A winner for being me.
No matter how the society imposes systems to "categorize" me, God made me unique, and there's no judicial or operative system to state otherwise.

Life sucks.
I don't think so. (: