The Irony of Education

Going through pre-Famine Camp, i realized the benefits of education. That without education, a country (and its citizens) will remain impoverished and underdeveloped. And going through the activities, education can get you a higher wage :D

All these changed once i started doing my work.

Education has made me sleepless and breathless. It has induced stress-migraines, and many many sleepless nights thinking of how to solve that damn equation. It reignited my "vulgar vocabulary", and to prevent myself from screaming a whole slew of them, i scribble down all the obscenities that are hammering to get out of my head on a piece of paper. It has brought out the worst side of me - the dominant, irritable, and insane side of me countless of times. And right now as i type this, i'm so tempted to just scream vulgarities at the top of my voice, or at least type them down. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
This may seem exaggerative to some, but to me, education has made my life a living nightmare. At this rate i'm going (at only taking 4-5 hours of sleep every single day), i'll either go crazy or flunk my A Levels, or both.

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Today was the first time i cried over doing tutorials. Ionic Eqm tutorial to be exact. Back in secondary school, i never really cried, perhaps teared when nearing exams or i couldnt do something no matter how hard i tried. But now, no matter how hard i try, i cant complete a single tutorial (with 5 questions) in 4 hours. Damn (don't highlight) fucking failure. I can't save my own ass in A Levels now, and it's starting to get really hard, cause i cant catch up with my ongoing syllabus, and i cant do the past chapters too. To add to that, it's not just ONE subject, it's every fucking subject. I have no subject that i am perpetually good at. Right now i really feel like giving up and not taking my A Levels cause i know i cant do it. Not at this rate. I don't have the time, and i don't have the IQ to catch and apply the content faster than average ppl. I can't even memorise for God's sake. Sometimes it really makes me wonder whether God made me stupider than most ppl, and i really wonder why He opened so many doors that were not meant for my kind. I regret, i really regret for not concentrating in J1, but now it's really too late. I can't do anything now, but race through pass the gullotine, praying for the slight chance it wont fall on me. But when it does, i'll pray for a clean decapitation.