This year has been, to summarise in a word: conflicting. No matter how bad things may have went, and how messed up my life has been (and maybe still is haha), I must say that it's been a really good run. I've learnt so much this year, about life, love and living. Life and living are different - life is the way things run (semi-automatic), and living is the way you choose to run it (manual).
The beginning of the year started out great, hakuna matata. The cellgroup just multiplied under a new leader, we were getting adjusted to the changes, and my life was basically stable. Bryan and I were never so much more in love, having spent our 3rd year together, which is honestly quite a feat for couples our age, and I really love having someone who knows me inside out, and cares for me no matter what I chose.
I started working at DN in Dec. It was a totally new experience, I was exposed to beers, liquors, liquers, food and just so many things that were just eye-openers. I didn't even know what Grey Goose and Johnnie Walker were, honestly. I learnt so much from that place, and I met so many good friends who teach me things that I wouldn't have learnt if I wasn't there. Friends like Aga, Alli, Ron, Maur, Nikki, Shimin and many many others who have taught me so much in such a short time.
I also got back my A Level results in Feb/March. It was a really thrilling time for me, and I really thank God for that miracle. I could choose any course my heart desired, and I ended up in WKWSCI. I wouldn't choose any other course for the world.
In March I went to SOT. For 6 months we went through intensive bible training, I finally held the mike and sang in front of a large crowd for the first (few) time, I had tests and assignments to chiong through, and I can't thank God enough for the friends I met there. Also, for the friendships that were fortified in that span of time. Those 6 months were tough, balancing work, studies and my relationship, when SOT took up nearly 7 days a week, and I had to fund it myself. I am proud to say that I managed to. It wasn't easy, but I got through it, and that was amazing.
In August, university began. It wasn't bad, but I always knew that studying was never my forte, and never my preference. I made a bunch of good friends, and here's hoping that in the next 3.5 years, we'll be even closer and better than where we are now (: I graduated from SOT in August as well, and at that point in time, my life was already going downhill. It was a difficult transition for me, handling so many things at one go and managing that internal conflict. I kept clinging onto hope that things might go up, and it did when I left. I felt free, and I felt that I didn't have to account to anyone anymore, because all my life, I've been doing that and it felt good to not have to always live up to expectations.
I started to try things (both legal and illegal). It was amazing to try what I've been restricted my whole life. Although, I know that this is just a phase, and my life won't revolve around it in the future. Nonetheless, it's good to try it at least once in your life. Then you won't ever wonder what it's like.
October was a heavy month for me. I did something so bad and so unforgivable. I wouldn't say I didn't enjoy it, but the consequences were not something I could handle. I was happy, but I knew that I couldn't be happy in the long term. Bryan and I broke up twice, and got back together again. Before the end of the year and the start of a new one, I want to get my direction back. What I want, what I need, what I know is good for me. Bryan's the one I know will give me that happiness, and I am willing to do anything to make it up to him - to make sure he knows that I love him.
Well, in 2010, I've been through hell and high water - nothing can touch me now.
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