Hehe

You are the best thing that I could ever deserve.

It was only just a dream

The old adage goes:

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

I hate that phrase.

When you never love, you never fill that emptiness. You'll never experience what it's like to be filled with an emotion that turns you topsy-turvy, carries you to new heights of ecstasy, brings you to a mountain where clouds fill the bluest sky you can ever imagine. And you'll never pine for that experience again.

When you love and lose, the resulting emptiness is accompanied by nothing but pain. You'll never reach that mountain again. And knowing you'll never reach that mountain makes you lose faith, hope and love - for yourself, for others.

I would rather never have loved at all.

I did so many wrong things. So many that you don't recognize me anymore - I don't recognize myself anymore.

While I was with you, I was thinking of someone else. My heart was overtaken by someone who didn't love me as much as you did. Maybe it's complacency, maybe it's just a breath of fresh air, only time will tell. When you said "I love you", I didn't respond. I didn't know how to - because I don't know whether I'd be telling a lie, and the last thing I wanted to do before you left was lie to you.

You don't know how sorry I am for being such a bitch, for being a player, a liar and a cheater. It was never your fault, I just lost myself, and I lost you along the way.

I say with all my heart that I loved you. You never gave me a reason not to. You understood what it meant when you love someone, you have to let them go. You cut me free, and I appreciate that. I was never a believer of fate - but if fate wills us, we'll be together again. This sounds all juvenile and fantasy, but I can't be sure of what happens next. All I know now is that no one will ever love me that way you did, and even if they did, they'd have big shoes to fill.

Reading your fb wall posts, I thank God you have such awesome friends. They will be there for you the same way I was there for you - to make you laugh, to cheer you up when you feel sad. You're an awesome man, you deserve only the best, and the best isn't me.

I regret having my heart and mind overtaken. But this only shows the strength of my character, which isn't very strong at all. You'll move on, I promise, to someone who will never hurt you the way I did, to someone who will love you more than I did. I promise.

This is it

So, this is it.

We had a good (almost) 4 years together, and now we have nothing but memories to live by. I thank you for everything you've given me and everything you've taught me. We didn't break up because of an argument, or because we can't stand each other anymore - we separated because we both knew it was the right thing to do.

Thank you for spending this one last day as a boyfriend with me. I really treasure whatever you've done and given. Your stuff - well, let's just say I can't bear to throw them away or return them back to you yet. They've been with me for so long, it's as if they're already mine. It's as if you're still mine, and I'm still yours. But we both know that's no longer the case. It's a matter of getting used to, and sometimes, when you're so used to something, you're numb about your feelings towards it, that you don't even know how you actually feel towards it anymore.

I still love whatever we had, I still hold on to our beautiful memories. But for now, this is goodbye. We'll still see each other, somehow, for lunch, dinner or just a movie, because you'll always be a part of me that will never go away, you shaped me.

You're the best boyfriend, and any girl will be lucky to have you. It was just your bad luck to have met me, someone who can't treasure what she has.

Bye.