Estella

While i was rereading Great Expectations yesterday (in lieu of today's impending doom),
There were a few quotes that kept me staring at that page for fifteen whole minutes, and i was trying to figure out what it meant, in my context.


" 'You should know,' said Estella. 'I am what you have made me. Take all the praise, take all the blame; take all the success, take all the failure; in short, take me.' "

"All I possess is freely yours. All that you have given me, is at your command to have again. Beyond that, I have nothing."

" 'So,' said Estella, 'I must be taken as I have been made. The success in not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me.' "

When i first heard the quotes (all within a succession of three pages) in class, it haunted me as a misguided child blaming her parental figure for having brought her up with the wrong intentions with the wrong (and damn scary) methods, leading her to become an unfeeling, cold and hardened shell of emotionlessness.
Her upbringing had to do with how she responded to Miss Havisham's love advances towards her - she rejected them, just like Miss Havisham had taught her.
But, i began to think last night, and began to ponder - How much of it really was Miss Havisham's fault?
Was Estella equipped with the knowledge to know left from right, dark and light?
Sure, she was isolated from the world, but since her exposure due to her studies overseas, did she not learn anything from there?

It left me thinking with more questions.
And one way or another, it led to me linking it to myself.

I'm glad it's over, and i can finally say that i've finally overcomed that hurdle.
Regardless how much my upbringing has shaped me, the decision lies within myself, and the consequences of what i do will affect me - not the people who brought me up.
I can discern right from wrong, good from bad, not only because of what my parents have taught me, but what God has entrusted me with, His Holy Word, to lead me and guide me, that when i feel like im going offtrack again, He's there to help me with His everlasting advice (:

A Levels does not give me time to introspect.
Okay, MUG MUG MUG. ):