Heartless

Maybe it's cause I've been away from you for too long, and I've numbed the feeling of missing you. I've locked myself up cause I don't want to feel anything, and I've turned into this emotionless creature with a default happy face (hence the nickname "Smiley"). I do what I do so I can occupy myself while you're away, and when I keep doing what I keep doing, it becomes a lifestyle, a habit, something that I can't get rid of.

Now that it's all walled up, when it's time for me to take it out, I just can't.

I've grown used and accustomed to leading a psuedo-single life, such that when I have to make time for you, I can't handle it.

It's not like we haven't been through this before. But this is much worse. Much much worse. It doesn't help that I'm swarmed with shit the whole day and with no one to express it to or text, such that I bottle everything up and when it's time for me to talk, my character tells me to forget about it cause what's passed is past.

I'm fed-up and tired.

To quote a friend:

"It's just damn tiring to wear on a smile to everyone sometimes."

It's hard to pretend that everything's okay.