Awkward

I don't know how I can handle being with you, in the same place, at the same time. Sure, work is work, but then again, I tend to allow my emotions to get a hold of me. Like today - man, it was awkward (at least for me). I know you totally didn't feel shit, and that's the way it's supposed to be, especially since we're in the same environment, standing right next to each other, or right in front of each other. My gawd. I honestly didn't even dare to walk in and make my milk tea.

Since Halloween there's been nothing from you. Not even a text, an email or a call. I feel so left behind. But whenever I feel like calling you, I think of what the old Nal would do - just wait.

So I'm left waiting.

And I'm left missing.

I wonder if you know.

Seeing your fb status, I really wonder if it's about me. I wish they were, but the things I've heard from others make me think otherwise. I'm really tired of waiting for "the right time", because how the hell do we know when "the right time" is?

We never do.

If it isn't about me, then go ahead and move on. I was never actually in the picture anyway. I could never be, because the reason is clear-cut - I don't love myself and I don't care about my own happiness. Don't keep me waiting for something that doesn't actually concern me and my life. Whatever you're waiting for, it may come soon, by the end of the month. Now, I want to focus on making myself happy, whatever it takes.

I don't even know how to break this to you.