Studying

At this point in time, I'm really grateful to studying.

Last week, I couldn't muster the strength or the willpower to sit down and begin to mug. But when I started this week, I couldn't stop.

Maybe it's cause it takes my mind away from things not to be thought of, it takes my mind away from imagining an alternate realm where I can go into and create my own scenarios, before plunging back into reality and dealing with real issues and real situations and relationships which are not complicated by logic, but complicated by feeling.

Studying has sort of - dare I say, straightened my thoughts out. I may not be completely straight yet, but I sure ain't twisted as I was a week ago.

The notes and books and whatnot are hard to cram and memorise, especially when I've been skipping lectures since week... three? :D It's a lot of common sense, which makes it hard to study because you think you already know what you know, when actually you have no clue how to verbalise and write it down in concrete words.

Yes, uni is different from JC. But thank God it isn't a one-off exam that I have to mug for, most of my results are already handed to me on a silver platter (through graded assignments). I'm not even aiming for second class honors, so this is quite... alright for me. (: The stress is mainly coming from my peers, who are all so GODDAMN HARDCORE MUGGERS ALL AIMING FOR FIRST CLASS HONORS WTF (Haha if any of you are reading this, don't be insulted kaaayyyy ya'll know how I talk one hehex)! I'm damn lepak compared to them, but I sure ain't slack enough to NOT even study, I give myself that. *pats back*

When exams end on the 20th, I'm gonna go straight back into work. I like working. It's nice to interact with ppl every day, rather than sitting in front of a laptop, study notes, get distracted by youtube, facebook, perezhilton, clicknetwork and the random blogs. Plus, I'm not tired enough to sleep, but I'm too tired to cram any more info into my cranium. So it's like - horrid.

A random thing that popped up recently was my school fees. Apparently, they didn't receive my application to pay my school fees via my mum's CPF in Sem 1. So technically, I'm screwed. But after Wednesday's paper I'm heading straight down to Tampines to deal with the matter. Otherwise, I won't be able to view my exam results and apply for next sem's mods - which is fucked up. Plus, I don't have enough cash to pay for my first sem's tuition fees, $3000++ - where the hell am I gonna get all that money? So yea, it's sort of like, a fucked up December for me.

Nonetheless, studying has made me emotionally numb. And kinda depressed. Imagine, hearing "Imagine" and "Hey Jude" for a week planted this epic fairytale in my mind where everything is peachy and happy, and the world is at peace with each other. Watching "Rapunzel" didn't help too. It was a nice show, and it made me happy like a bunny on weed for 4 hours, giggling and singing songs while walking around Marina Square (okay more like an idiot) - it made me feel like a little girl again, when I didn't do shit and didn't know shit (:

But we all know, reality bites. We all grow up, and experience different things that make us stop believing that the world is beautiful. We all wish it were, but it's not. Totally not.

I shall end my blogpost before I start a thesis on "Why the World Sucks, Hardcore".

To NTU Students:
HAPPY MUGGING! EXAMS ARE ENDING SOOOONN, THEN IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! :D
*Jingle bells, batman smells, robin laid an egggggggg*

Happy 11th December everyone! :D :D :D