Thank you for being so forgiving despite all that I've said and done. Right now, there's a mixture of guilt, inferiority and sure uncertainness in my actions and thoughts. I realise that I'm still the same person inside - just that now my insecurities surface when problems arise. Maybe it was a desire to feel loved, a desire to feel wanted for who I am and not how I look. Not that you ever cared about my appearance, but the secrets that we kept to ourselves was too much for me to take. It came to a stage when I felt used, no longer loved because you didn't have the same amount of time to reassure me like you used to. As someone else crept into my life, I instinctively gave myself away because I felt that this someone would treat me the same way you did. Then, I chose to break myself away from you, in hopes that I'd be happier with someone else and be free from all constraints - free to do whatever I wanted.
Now, I realise that that person is one hell of a jackass. He wasn't the main reason why I broke up with you, although he had a major part to play.
You want us to be back together, but I can't let go of the freedom that I've gained and experienced. It's an either-or option, and I'm afraid I'll hurt you again because my desires get in the way of protecting our feelings. Please give me some time, and I promise I'll think about it - when my exams are over.
For now, thank you for accompanying me the past few days while I heal from a hurt. Thank you for your never-changing attitude and love towards me, despite what I've done. I appreciate you so much.
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