Happy 45th Birthday!

Land of the Free, Country of the Fine :D

No matter how stuffy your trains are, how artificial your beaches are, and how kiasu your people are (me included), I still like living here, really (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

BACK! :D

I'm back from Tioman, can't upload any pictures cause I can't find the cable. Boyfriend left me at home to rot alone while he went clubbing with "the guys", so I'm bored to death while the rest of my family are at Genting (and other miscellaneous locations).

Tioman was absolutely refreshing. Beautiful, relaxing, wonderful - just the break I needed. There weren't exactly the best facilities, and I didn't get to go snorkeling (or even get a massage), but just soaking in the lifestyle and the whole atmosphere did wonders for my soul. Awesome Ramly burgers and stingrays (which epicly pwn 85). Yumxszxs :D

After the trip from Tioman, I'm charred, burnt and crispy. Good thing is, my eyebags are finally gone! (YIPPEE) (: The whole trip felt so surreal like a scene out of Inception. When we entered Singapore, we were greeted by shitty customs and the horrible stale air of public transport. Babe even got a headache the moment he stepped onto the MRT. At home, I was hit by the barrage of messages flooding my phone, which I am still too lazy and zonked out to reply. I really don't like it here. ):

I miss Tioman.

Choice

I'm so scared now.

I'm living a life of fear, just waiting to be found out. I'm scared all the effort I've put in have gone to waste, that people start to believe what I did wasn't because of others, but for myself.

It never started out that way. And I never planned for it to end that way either. I never wanted it all to be about me and my problems.

I wanted to help others, to shine a light and guide them out of their darkness. But what I did was plunge my whole self into it.

Do I regret? Right now, yes. But in the near future, maybe not.

I honestly wish I could speak to you now, because I feel that what we're going through is the same confusion. I want to know how you feel, think and what you're doing to help yourself. Nothing, something, or exactly what I'm doing - hiding?

I need a mental break.

but if i wrap my words around you

Songs are poems, they are prose, they are images, they are dance, they are feelings, they are experiences, they are what heal and break the human body, soul and spirit.

When you translate you into a song, that's when life starts to make sense.

Be it pop, rock, trance, techno, rap, metal, indie, each song finds a way into a person's mind and stays there, either melody or words, or both. It becomes an idea. And if you've watched Inception, an idea is the most infectious disease of them all. It affects your soul, and brings out the innermost feelings you've hidden for the longest time.

Songs are dangerous. They can lead you into temptation and down into a valley, suffocating your soul. At the same time, songs can heal. Christian songs and hymns, they heal your soul and spirit, give you a hope and faith for the future.

Songs are landmarks. There is a specific song for a specific time. When I was in primary school, Ayumi Hamasaki and Speed (J-pop). When I was 14, Simple Plan's Welcome to My Life. When I was 16, Way Back Into Love. When I was 17, Hillsong's Hosanna. These songs serenaded me growing up.

To me, songs are beautiful.

if i could, then i would

Talking to those who just came back from missions about their "village experience" made me think about Chiang Rai, made me ponder on my life, and made me wish i could just fly back there now.

These were all taken with a compact camera back when I was 15, imagine these with a DSLR, they'd be ohmygawd amazing.







That's me in a pink suit.

I want to walk down the dusty untamed roads of the mountains again, and feel the cool of the pure air, untainted. If I could, I may have chosen to be a villager and work in padi fields, awaiting for nothing but the seasons.

It's scary to think how much things have changed since then. In a span of 4 years, I almost no longer keep in contact with a single person I went to Chiang Rai with, I made new friends, fell in, out and back in love again, went back to church, rammed my way through JC, started earning my own allowance, and now I'm in NTU, awaiting the start of something amazing yet again.

I'm damn old.

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

I'm going on holiday to Tioman with Bryan from the 5th to 7th of August. Boyfriend paid for my travel and accommodation there as a belated birthday present (: Thank you love, I can't wait for a getaway from city life :D I can't wait to snorkel, get massaged, suntan, and basically do things that Singapore can't offer enough of. Or what Singapore has deprived me of. Boo.

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Maybe one-liner sentence structuring will help.

Q: If you were gonna die tmr, what would you do?

A: Live your life like there's no tmr, of course.

Like Jon said: One life, live it.

So here's the gist of it all: There's a field. You're standing on one side. You look over. The other side looks greener. You've never been to the other side. It looks brighter, happier, albeit thorns around. You stand in your grass patch and wonder what it's like to be there. Whether or not the other side is indeed greener. But, you've been working on your side of the field for so long, years and years of toil and sacrifices. However, you've never been to the other side, really. Like never ever ever been there. Would you like to try stepping across?

I don't want to die full. I want to die empty, with all my potential unleashed. With every experience life can offer taken in.

When the soul is trapped, there your emotions clog up and a mask is put on to put up a facade that everything is alright, when it's not. You put up a mask so that others won't be able to peer deep into the recesses of your soul and see that there is nothing but void.

Which would you prefer: Empty and silent, or chaotic and violent?

I really don't mean to be emo, but maybe I've just been pondering more. Much much more.

I wish I could get my smile back too.

let's put a smile on that face

Week of Awesome

This week has been one of the most awesome weeks ever in the history of awesome :D

WKWSCIFOC 2010.

I was in the OG Cosmopolitan, Cosmo for short, and I really enjoyed spending time with a group of fun-loving, cute and enthu people. The games in FOC were packed back to back, and after 5 days, I'm charred, voiceless, and filled with anticipation for the start of a school term! FOC is mindblowing, literally - I'm actually quite motivated to join the committee for next year :D

Foxtrot Social Night: Bedazzled.

On Wed night I left FOC to prepare for Bryan's Social Night. It was nice getting to know loads and loads and loads of new people (really alot), and it was awesome hanging out with Bryan and a bunch of his army friends, talking about their army experiences. It really wasn't just a guy thing (: I met Phaykey, Hanlu and a few other friends whom I haven't seen in a long long time. I met Evelyn and Valerie, who are really awesome cool people :D

Aga's Birthday Celebration.

All I can say is: I LOVE YOU GUYS, AND IT WAS AN AWESOME NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

And finally, I settled my trip to Tioman on the 5th to 7th August! (: I feel really happy tonight :D