Dear Baby

It's gonna take time.

My mum actually told me before that I have to sort things out with you. That we need to sit down and talk it out. Because if we don't, our relationship is always gonna have that gap in between us.

But I told her - it's up to you to decide, not me. There's nothing else to talk about that incident, I've said all I've could and I've apologised all that I can. There's nothing else I can do. All I can do is pray that we both learn from this and move on.

Like I said, I'm not expecting that you get over it in a flash, or even over a long period of time. But there's always gonna be this gap if we don't put this behind us. There's only so many sorries I can say, and so many things I can do to make it up to you. The mental block that's incapacitating you now is suffocating us. I can only sit back and watch as you battle this by yourself, because now, there's nothing else I can do.

No matter what I've done, no matter what I've said, no matter how much I've changed - I still love you, and I still wanna marry you. I'm no longer the sweet innocent 15 year old girl you fell in love with, but there's no way on earth that noone changes. We make mistakes, we learn, we move on. It sounds so easy, but when we're dealing with emotions, it takes a toll on the human spirit and disintegrates human relationships when mistakes are made. Learning from it is one, but moving on is another.

I don't know what has been happening, but since last Saturday I've been thinking abt the incident too. I spoke to Shimin about it and almost broke down. I got so messed up inside that it messed me up on the outside too. I was ready to just leave everything of myself behind and move on to a new (and supposedly happier) life. But the one thing I couldn't leave behind was you. No matter how hard I tried and struggled, you're the one thing in my life that remains a constant. Even when I kicked you away, you never left me. That says alot about character.

You're the one I want to be with, you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you baby, and if this is something you want to do, I'll be behind you every step of the way. I never want to lose you again.

As for that douchebag, I don't give half a fuck about him. He ruined me, he ruined us, and that's something I will never get over. I don't forgive, neither do I forget, because in this whole thing, the one person who loved me the most got hurt the most even though he did nothing wrong. My heart aches when you tell me you have nightmares, when you tell me you see his face every time you kiss me. No one else can ever compare to you baby. You're the anchor of my life and the chicken soup for my soul.

I wanna marry you, have children and spend the rest of my life together with you. It breaks me that you may not want that anymore.

GIPL STAFF PARTY 2011

So I didn't get drunk like I wanted to, but I did manage to try the FlowRider, which was awesome shizz.

To justify why we party like rockstars:

(1) By 11pm, two staff were hospitalized.

(2) A fight broke out upstairs.

(3) We were smoking in the pool.

(4) We had our boss with us in the pool.

(5) We had tequila shots in the pool.

(6) I had two shirts and both were wet.

(7) We spammed our coupons and ordered drinks that I doubt we finished.

It would have been awesome if it were held in September though. Ron, Jon, the Smurfs and so many of us would still be here :/ It was a good night, finished off with supper at Simpang (what's new) and just a talk cock chillax session with the gang.

Hopefully those hospitalized will recover soon. We are all gangstars.

I really really love working here.

Continuation

Day 01: Ten random facts about yourself.
Day 02: Nine things you do every day.
Day 03: Eight things that annoy you.
Day 04: Seven fears / phobias.
Day 05: Six songs that you’re addicted to.
Day 06: Five things you can’t live without.
Day 07: Four memories you won’t forget.
Day 08: Three words you can’t go a day without using.
Day 09: Two things you wish you could do.
Day 10: One person you can trust.

o1. Text/call ppl.

o2. Hug my pillowwww. :D

o3. Facebook.

o4. Something that harms my health.

o5. Say "bye" to my doggies (so sweet right hahahaha)

o6. Go to perezhilton.com

o7. Sing in the shower.

o8. Put coins in my tong tong (:

o9. Spend money :(

*****************************************************************

Haha okay, trivialities over.

School has begun, and apparently, unbeknownst to me, results were out last week. I got an average GPA of 3.5 (Bs for everything), which is supposedly good. But according to my dear friend Amin, our cohort's average GPA is like 4.0.

WTF. That's like an average of B+ for every student. And manwhores like Weixiang got a 4.5 GPA. WTFBBQSAUCE. I'm not too phased by this whole grade system thing, but dudes and dudettes, I'm just trying to get an average score and leave NTU at the end of 4 years, please stop making it so difficult for me can? Kthxbai.

I've been working my ass off during the holidays so I could earn more money. But no matter how much I worked, it's like the maximum ceiling I hit is $750 - no more than that, all because of CPF who deducts my pay after it reaches $500. Sigh. I need another job, so I can earn more money without having to tire myself out day and night and day and night :/

To update ppl who don't read FB, I lost my stuff at Phuture. Don't ask me how much I drank that night - I remembered up to 7 bottles before totally blacking out. I arrived home with one shoe outside my house gate and my bag missing. My IC, NTU EZLink card, ATM card, handphone and $40 were gone and I have to pay $100 to get a replacement IC :( Thank god I didn't withdraw more money when I went to the ATM with Bryan right before we entered Zouk. Did I mention I woke up in my house toilet? Talk about epic. HAHHAHAHA!

This post sounds hasty and all, but right now my mind is somewhere else - in a forbidden area of my mind where only Eragon or Galbatorix can infiltrate. :D :D :D (I've been reading heeheee) I hope your 2011 has been good so far, mine has been good and bad - but mostly bad. Bryan makes up the good days (:

Bye friends, I doubt you'll see an update any time soon. Anything FB msg me, I'm using a temporary cell number. HASTA LA VISTA! :D

Because I'm bored

Day 01: Ten random facts about yourself.
Day 02: Nine things you do every day.
Day 03: Eight things that annoy you.
Day 04: Seven fears / phobias.
Day 05: Six songs that you’re addicted to.
Day 06: Five things you can’t live without.
Day 07: Four memories you won’t forget.
Day 08: Three words you can’t go a day without using.
Day 09: Two things you wish you could do.
Day 10: One person you can trust.

o1. I drowned my iPhone in Koi ):

o2. I work in an Irish pub as a floor staff, cashier and bar-back.

o3. I record videos of myself singing.

o4. I don't post those videos.

o5. I never wear heels to club.

o6. I don't drink much, I swear.

o7. I get verbal diarrhea when I'm trying to prove a point.

o8. I love soft toys way above flowers. (:

o9. I never finish water in my bottle and usually leave them in there for weeks.

1o. My hair colours always end up being brown.

SO ANGRY

ANGRY ANGRY.

How much bitchier can you get?

If only you fucking knew what everyone else is saying abt you, before you come and fucking judge me according to the brief timeline that you knew me. Overall, I'm just more accepted by them, because I don't call them "dumb", "stupid" and I don't judge other ppl as much as you do. I'm not arrogant, I'm not full of myself - I know I'm not the best at what I do, but you like to compare yourself to other ppl and think you're way better than them if you're given 'time'.

So you think you can read me? Just because what you thought abt me was and is true - so what? You fall into your own fucking self-fulfilling prophecies because you only concentrate on what you say and focus on that result. Oh yea, I forgot, you don't even know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is.

The thing is - I trusted you, right before you turned around and bit me in the ass. If I told ppl what you told me what you thought abt them, I can guarantee you'll be gone in less than a week. If you think I'm full of myself - I quote Paramore: "I'll point you to the mirror".

Don't be such a douchebag. Don't be so goddamn arrogant. Don't be judgmental and play god.

1st and 2nd of January

Those were two of the most awesome dayz of my life (so far :D).

I met Bryan in the afternoon on the 31/12/10 and we spent the day just lazing around cause of my sore throat and runny nose. We went to his house to bake brownies for Ethel's new year party, but we couldn't make it cause we couldn't get a cab AT ALL. We waited like half an hour for a taxi before deciding to go straight to Clarke Quay to join the guys for the countdown.

We arrived at Brewerkz at around 11pm. The guys just started drinking, so we were all just talking normally - till MR GENIUS TAN decided to get the guys to all down the beer. They technically drank through 2 towers and a jug of golden ale. Bryan puked 6 times, while Glenn was so drunk that he went from being damn noisy to damn quiet. They were making such a scene at Brewerkz that I went to apologise to the staff for being a nuisance, and I took the glasses away from the guys just in case they decided to break them :D

Nonetheless, it was damn fucking entertaining. They did so much shit that I can't even bring myself to tell you guys what they did. It was just too fucking awesome. We counted down in style (drunken style) and went home around 2 plus cause Bryan and Glenn were just too fucking gone to stand straight.

The girlfriends just sat there, drinking our cocktails (Key had a sling, while I had a strawberry daiquiri which the staff took away when I went to the toilet to look for Michael! :() Oh, I forgot to mention that Bryan fell on the floor. HAHAHAHAHA I had to help him up and his pants were all wet. OH OH and Mike spat on Glenn cause he choked while downing the beer straight from the tower tap, and when Glenn was drunk he returned the favour. Fred was high-fiving the girls on the table next to us when they left, and he made friends with a bunch of guys in a table next to us. Awesome.

Mike, Fred, Jwen, Glenn, Bryan, Victor, Yongqiang, Zhanhong, plus gfs Evelyn, Key, Indrid (?) and me totally wrecked Brewerkz (the guys did most of the work though). Evelyn was quite traumatised by their actions. HAHAHA I apologised to her, but she gotta get used to Jwen's friends, like Key and I have :D

Bryan went back home on the morning of 1st Jan, so I wasted my time at home (I woke up damn late) before heading down to Muddys to join the DN gang for another good night. I didn't have much - one bottle of Magners, we had 3 jagertrains and 1 bombjagertrain, and a double whiskey coke, courtesy of Osman. I ate loads though, spicy chicken drumlets, wedges and chili crab dip, onion rings and WARM CHOCO PUDDING (yay)! By the end of the night, Vish was fucking gone, Nikki was perpetually shouting (as if we couldn't hear her hahaha), and Wilson had his arm around my head saying: "YOU ARE AWESOME!" Jon was there, and his cousin as well. The only person missing was Ron, that manslut who's in Canada now :/ After Muddys closed the guys headed off to Naughty, and girls weren't allowed ): So I cabbed home and met Bryan at my place (at 3am) to spend our 4th anniversary together (: Although, I got kinda high and started blabbering nonsense till 5am. Nikki called me and I think I just blabbered rubbish to her :P

Overall, it was an awesome night (: I can totally rmb what Vish was saying to me in his drunken stupor, it's the most hilarious shit ever :D

2011 started on a good note - loads of alcohol, partying and friends, without me getting drunk at all (: Here's to a clean and sober 2011 yayzxsxszxz! :D

2011 Resolutions :D

1. Stop smoking completely.

I stopped buying packs alr, and I only take one or two a day when I'm at work from my colleagues. Eventually I'll feel too bad to keep taking from them, so I'll totally stop in due time. I'm really making an effort to stop cause it's bad for my health, and I need to help Bryan to stop as well (:

2. Stop drinking so much.

Not total abstinence, but as long as I don't get wasted, I think drinking once in a while should be fine :D

3. Stop clubbing so often.

I NEED TO START SLEEPING AT NORMAL HOURS! :P Clubbing's fun with friends, but I gotta start doing that in moderation, reaaaaaaaalllllyyy moderate.

4. Stop swearing.

I need to be more ladylike hahaahaa. And it's uncouth anws heeee

5. Study more.

I make this resolution every year.

6. Lose weight.

I make this resolution every year too. ):

7. Love Bryan more :D

He's been so awesome to me since 2007, and he's the loml :D I'm never gonna let go of him again. Heee speaking of which, 2 Jan was our 4th year anniversary. We've been together so long, we decided not to celebrate it - haha old couple alr lah :P Well actually I was out drinking till 3am, and the alcohol kicked in only when I reached home and I started blabbering nonsense till 5am, and we both woke up late. There wasn't time to celebrate since he was booking in at 2030 :/ But we're gonna have makeup celebrations :D

8. Start saving money.

I always take money for granted. And now that I'm in a shitload of debt, I better start saving to pay them off (:

9. Spend more time with my friends.

I'm always so busy working/studying that I always forsake my friends :/ Hopefully I'll get to see some of them more in 2011! :D

10. Spend more time with family.

I've been neglecting them since god knows when, so I better start pulling my act together and love them the way they should be loved. (:

11. Get my life back on track.

Needless to say, 2010 wasn't that good for me. But I've learnt alot, and I wanna move on from whatever mistakes I made and make 2011 an awesome year - not only for me, but for the ppl around me (: