Jar Of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?

The Old Person Quiz

You're at a bar and your friend buys a round of tequila shots. You...
(1) Down your shot, then your friend's shot, then order another round.
(2) Down your shot, thank your friend, and retire home for the evening.
(3) Turn down the shot - you have work tomorrow.
(4) This entire scenario is unrealistic - bars? What is this, college?


Your friends are camping out for concert tickets. You...
(1) Get a keg and a tent -- you're in.
(2) Give them money and ask them to buy you a ticket
(3) Pass -- can you believe the crap those kids are listening to these days.
(4) The music's too loud, parking is a pain, and everyone's on drugs. No, thanks.


Your friends are at the beach throwing the football around. You...
(1) Organize a tackle football game - straight out of the Abercrombie catalog. But straight.
(2) Just throw the ball around nice and soft -- while enjoying the sun's rays.
(3) Don't throw the ball at all -- that's a good way to get your trick shoulder worked up again.
(4) Don't go to the beach because sand gets in places you don't want sand to be, and the sun is a big blaring ball of potential Melanoma beating down on you.


You're house sitting in your friend's ridiculous mansion. You...
(1) Throw a house party that will make Kid N' Play's hair fall out.
(2) Invite a small group of friends over for a dinner party.
(3) You have a date with his comfortable couch, a glass of Chianti, and the latest Clive Clussler.
(4) You leave early because you're old and depressed and it's strikingly clear you'll never be able to afford a house of similar size.


You get a girls' number. You...
(1) Call her that night for a booty call.
(2) Wait the allotted 3 days and ask her out for coffee.
(3) Wait the allotted 3 days to call and plan a dinner.
(4) Don't call because phones are too confusing.


The stock market is crashing. You...
(1) Don't care because you aren't invested in the stock market.
(2) Care a little because some of your buddies are on Wall Street.
(3) Start looking for a ledge to jump off of.
(4) Find it exciting to actually have something to talk to people about.


It's the first beautiful day outside in a while. You...
(1) Fill a thermos with gin and step outside.
(2) Barbecue with some friends. Maybe even cook a steak
(3) White-wash your fence.
(4) Bird-watch with the new binoculars you bought off of QVC.


You just found out that you won the lottery. You...
(1) Spend half the money on booze and the other half on strippers.
(2) Buy a really cool car that you've always wanted.
(3) Diversify thru mutual funds and CD's.
(4) Do not want to cash in the ticket for fear that "once Uncle Sam gets his hand in your pocket, he won't let go."


You're at a sporting event and a jerk is causing a ruckus. Do you:
(1) Hit him with a beer bottle and when he looks over, point to the guy next to you.
(2) Berate him about why he's being a jerk and if he wants to fight you say, "Yeah, like I'm gonna fight you over a sporting event."
(3) Alert an usher about said jerk.
(4) N/A. Don't attend sporting events because of chance of inclimate weather and escalating price of concessions and seriously, have you seen what they're charging for a cup of birch beer nowadays? It's criminal.


You're flipping thru the channels and you see that a "Golden Girls" marathon just started. You...
(1) Watch it - that show is awesome and appeals to all ages
(2) Watch it - that show is awesome and appeals to all ages
(3) Watch it - that show is awesome and appeals to all ages
(4) Watch it (at an increased volume) - that show is awesome and appeals to all ages


Assign yourself the corresponding points for each answer and tally them.
For instance, if you answered choice (1) to a question, give yourself one point, and so on and so forth.

10-15 - You're young at heart, or you're an immature jerk. Either way, do as you please.
16-25 - You're still hanging on to that last vestige of youth. Many people your age shake their head at your antics.
26-32 - You're starting to get that old person smell. Give it up
33-40 - You may be dead already.


Credits: Barney Stinson's blog.
P.S I know right HE HAS A BLOG, FOR REAL.

Alternate Reality

I thought I would finally be put first on someone's list.

It wouldn't have been a surprise, given the history we have. All the people I've met, to all of them, to every single one, I am nothing but second place.

Someone to meet when the sun has already set, when most of the population are in their slumbers. Someone to have fun with, to drink with, to drunk talk with. A late night girl, not to be seen in the daylight.

I was getting tired of being just that.

You came along, and I thought it was gonna be different. I know you well, so well. Then I saw your phone again, and thank god I walled my heart up, so I didn't feel hurt right there and then. One of the main reasons why I will never fall in love in the next few years or so.

To all of them, I am an alternate reality. I will never be real, I will never be deep, I will never be loyal, I will never be a strong girl.

I am nothing like that.

For You I Bleed Myself Dry

The stars were beautiful last night. But no matter how much you tried to convince me they were stars, to me - they were satellites. Posers, imitations, their green lights gave them away.

I agreed to meet you. Not because I wanted anything from you, to get back, to be together again, for you to forgive me, nothing. I just wanted to see how you were, what possessed you to text me things like that, and whether or not you meant what you said, or you were just tipsy and felt like it at that moment.

Right now I'm enjoying my life of freedom. No obligations, no strings attached, no accountability. I could meet whoever I want, at whatever time I wanted, without having to take your feelings into consideration. I thought you were booking in, that's why I asked my friend out for late drinks with me. Not because I wanted to make you jealous or what not, that's just retarded.

I told you that you'd regret it. I told you that my heart doesn't feel anything anymore. I remember you telling me when you went off: "I don't regret this", but trust me, you will, in due time. My heart feels numb to pain, but just talking and being with you makes me wanna die. The hours and effort and money put into alcohol and partying doesn't make me feel any better the moment I'm sober and I see a text from you, or you yourself. I feel numb 99.9% of the time, but once I talk to you, that 0.1% comes back. And I reach for that bottle of whiskey.

I won't say I don't love you anymore. But I don't feel like I have the tendency to love anyone anymore. I'm just playing around now. And that's why I don't want you near me. Because, you're the only person I won't flirt with, the only person I won't text just because I want to play, you're much more significant to me than that.

And no, you won't bring the old Nal back anytime soon.

At the end of the night

It doesn't matter where I am.

It doesn't matter what I've drank.

It doesn't matter how much fun I had.

Because once I'm alone, once I'm sick and tired of doing what I do, I think of us.

I look back at our pictures. I wonder what has happened. I fantasize that everything is still alright, that you're just too busy to reply to my texts. That nothing has changed.

Someone told me, it takes women a half of the duration of the relationship to fully get over the guy. And it takes the men the entire duration of the relationship to fully get over the girl.

That means:

2 years for me,

And 4 for you.

Honestly, I don't know how long I will take. I'm throwing away every fibre of common sense. There's no sense in what I did, and what I tried to do. So, what's the point?

But you make complete and utter logic.

You win.

I hope you do.

OH HAWT DAYUM

Boy, why you gotta be so cute?

I really like being with you, hanging out and just talking about life. That night we spent 4 hours just chatting away (despite the awkward circumstances) made me feel so loved (seriously, loved), pampered, and just practically took away all the hurt and disgust I was feeling about myself.

When you looked me straight in the eyes and told me to stop thinking about myself that way - you pretty much captured my heart. (HAHA FUCK THIS IS SO CORNY)

When I opened my heart and my hurt to you, you didn't judge me, you just listened and nodded your head, like you understood where that pain was coming from, the reason for my tears and fears, the insecurity I had and the plunge in self-esteem I took when I free-falled from my life.

Sharing with me about your own life made me realise that I wasn't the only one who's been through shit that life has thrown to us, that everyone has their own problems, and it's no use dwelling on them. Cause at the end of it all, you gotta get your focus back and pay attention to the things that need attention the most - studies, friends, fun. In that order.

You may be much older than me, but you don't look down on my age. You think I've gone through much more than my peers, and know more abt the world than most of them. I honestly wouldn't say that, cause everyone does stupid things all the time - just for the heck of it. I land myself in trouble, THEN I learn. I don't do things theoretically - I make mistakes practically. And sometimes the most obvious things need to be tested out to check whether they really are as bad as they sound. P.S they're not always bad (: (I could give some examples, but nah, some things are meant for me to know and for others to find out hahahhaha)

Like you said, this may be unusual, and to both of us, this is kinda creepy-weird in a pedophiliac way, (PEDOBEAR HAHAHAHHAA) but if it works, it'll work. We'll just see how it all turns out in due time.

Honestly, I'm either a 25 year old trapped in a 20 year old's body, or you're a 21 year old trapped in a 28 year old's body. I'd like to think of it as your fault :D

I do miss you though.

Dead and Gone

I've been traveling on this road too long
Just try'na find my way back home
The old me's dead and gone, dead and gone
I've been traveling on this road too long
Just try'na find my way back home
The old me's dead and gone, dead and gone

I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone

THE NEW ME WILL BE ALRIGHT

We've moved on. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did, which you never think are mistakes till you make em and the consequences come flooding you.

I've met someone better than you, I hope he's not a rebound guy, he's too good to be someone like that. Let's just see how that works out for me.

As for you, take care, be safe.

Love,

Yours, forever and ever.

Come what may.